I have been holding back on sharing this post, mainly because I wrote most of these words the last day I had at my full time job, on my last commute into the city. But this blog isn’t just about fancy, pretty stuff I see. I want it to be a place were I can document my business journey, give advice, share the mistakes and lessons I have made and learnt along the way. To help inspire others who maybe thinking about how they can turn their passion into their career and make it a reality.
I have just celebrated my 1 year anniversary of leaving my job, and going out on my own! So I figured now was a good time to share this post that has been sat in my drafts since 23rd October 2015!
“Today is my last day working in Canary Wharf. Working for someone else. Following someone else’s rules, procedures.
I have wanted this day to come for years!
Waking up this morning, putting on my work clothes I feel strange. A lump in my throat. Worried about what people think of me. Am I good enough? Am I going to regret this in a months time? What if I make no money? What if no one wants to work with me? And then my family – am I letting them down by doing this? Am I taking the biggest risk that may or may not pay off?
This decision doesn’t just impact me.
Not only am I leaving my full time day job, a well respected sought after job role in London, but I am moving away from London the following day. Ah….what am I doing?”
A million and one feelings were running through my head that morning, but I tried so hard to block them out. Making sure self doubt would not get in the way of this moment that I have been working so hard for! Making sure that I was forgetting that some people in my life think this is the wrong move, that I am giving up a lot, that maybe I’m not ready to do pursue my career full-time, that this is some silly pipedream.
My last day in the office, I worked my arse off. I left with my head held up high, proud of the work I had achieved, feeling slightly emotional saying goodbye to the friends I had made, the people I didn’t think would have the loveliest things to say. My last day at this particular job brought out the emotions I did not expect.
I am so grateful for the opportunity I was given to work there. Despite the ridiculous hours I had to work, the hard targets I struggled to hit, the times where I would cry on the train home and when I struggled to pick myself up in the morning to get myself into work.
Working and committing over 50 hours a week, on top of shooting weddings at the weekend and editing until the early hours in the morning. Feeling drained and miserable, tired and overwhelmed. But hey, I can safely say it has made me stronger. More determined to make this work. Given me more drive.
To the job that took me three months to decide whether to take in the first place, the 23 year old me who moved up to the ‘Big” city, to the days you made me upset, made me doubt myself and my work to the other days where I felt rewarded by helping someone in need – thank you, I wouldn’t change my experience for the world.